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I’m a single mum of two boys (2 and 7) who’s ‘attempting the ordinary’ after conceiving my second son by donor. These are my anonymous ramblings about life, love, parenting and the rest – emptying my head of the weird, the wonderful and the mundane. Hope you enjoy.

Wednesday, 27 March 2013

A whole new chapter....

So, I haven't blogged for about 6 weeks - my longest gap since I started! And why? Well, certainly there's been a bit more work going on that I've had to keep my eye on, but mostly its the incredible, amazing entity known here affectionately as Dreads... who I also now call my boyfriend.. as weird as that kind of still sounds. So, you want an update? Here goes....

At my last post we'd only been sleeping together a couple of weeks and I was due to see him at the open mic that Thursday and was saying I wasn't sure how to behave with him in public. Well, he soon cleared that up, kissed me hello when I arrived and by the end of the night we were sat up the front, holding hands and singing along to everyone. There followed another great weekend of hanging out together, having fun, talking, and lots of sex. That was the weekend that he said to me 'Look we're friends now right? And that means if you ever need anything you just call me okay? Even if its 3am and you just want a cuddle then call me and if I can I'll be there'. So that Monday morning, with the snow piled up outside I asked him if he'd come with me on the school run, because I was terrified of getting stuck in the snow alone with two kids. And he did, and ended up coming to toddler group with me and DS2 - which freaked the living shit out of him, but he still did it, god love him.

Then the next weekend he came round again, and we did another open mic, and more holding hands and generally acting like a couple in public, while still totally denying to ourselves that it was anything like that. We took the kids to the park in the rain and we all had such a laugh together and I saw DS1 really relax and jump in muddy puddles just like DS2 always loves to. Then on the Monday I had to work and my childminder called to say she was ill, and so I looked at Dreads and thought: 'Well, gonna have to test that 'if you ever need anything' thing'. So Dreads looked after DS2 so I could go to work, and even managed to change a nappy - although he had to text all his band members to share the trauma! That night we sat and had tea with the kids, and it was really lovely - he's so great with them, but not in an in-your-face way.

Anyway, the next day I got up and took the kids to school and came back to him and I was a bit tearful, just because it was all too much - it was great but too great for something that wasn't a relationship, and I wasn't really sure what to do about it. Dreads saw that I was upset and I told him I was just a bit tired and overwhelmed, and he said to me: "Why don't we take a picnic and go to the boat? Would that make you feel better?" And although I should've said "No, because that would be even more like a relationship and even harder to take when it ends",  I didn't, I said yes. So, we had a lovely day, walking along the river and through the woods, with him carrying me over the mud, and sitting on his boat eating instant pasta pots and drinking tea out of the only clean cup.

The next weekend he stayed,  we somehow acknowledged to each other in an almost-casual conversation that this did appear to be more than just 'sex and friendship', but that we were both happy being in denial about that for a while longer. That 'while' only lasted a couple of weeks really, before we decided we could call each other boyfriend and girlfriend, and I couldn't help it, I told him I thought I loved him. He said he felt the same way, but even so I still expected him not to come back from work that night, still expected him to run away. But he didn't run away, he did come back and he said to me that although he'd only said 'I feel the same' it was just because he was saving those three little words for the perfect time, when I'd remember them.

And the next week when I was lying in his arms and we were just talking he looked into my eyes and said 'I love you', and it was perfect, and any pretence either of us had about this not being a relationship just melted away.

So for two, maybe three weeks, its been official!! I even changed my Facebook relationship status to 'in a relationship' for the first time since I've been on Facebook - which was weird. It still feels strange - strange for being in a relationship, but also because its unlike any relationship if I've ever known. Dreads is there for me, 100%, he'll do whatever he can to make me happy. He helps with the kids, he babysits for me if I need to work or want to go out, he does the washing up, and on top of all of that he's clever and funny and talented and just the best friend and lover a girl could ever wish for, and I feel so lucky every day.  When we're together I forget there's such an age gap, because it just doesn't feel that way, its just us. I guess you don't chose who you fall in love with, and I certainly didn't plan this, but it is what it is... and what it is is great.

So come on then ladies and gents, I am all loved up right now, so I'd love to hear about the great and unexpected loves of your lives... do share!

Saturday, 12 January 2013

Irresponsiblity, sexting and public displays of affection

Okay, here's the thing.. it's not that I want to blog about the intimate details of my new found sex life - 'cause that's probably more information than anyone needs - but I do want to share my thoughts about it, which requires a little information at least, so apologies up front to the easily embarrassed! So, whilst attempting not to be too explicit, here is the Dreads update:

It is now two weeks since Dreads and I started sleeping together - but I've only actually seen him the once since the first time. The thing is though, it feels like much more than that, because despite the fact this is entirely casual (he regularly reminds me that he is my 'sex toy' - his words! - and not my boyfriend) he texts and FBs me whenever he can. To be honest, I can't remember when I had a boyfriend this attentive, and I kind of like it.

Okay, 80% of it is sex talk, but in between all of that he's really supportive of my music, interested in my work and my spirituality, wants to be involved in that, and wants to learn from me, so it feels like we connect on a different level as well. For me, I think, if we didn't then I wouldn't want to sleep with him quite so much, because even if it is just sex, I can't imagine being turned on by someone that wasn't interesting in themselves, or was completely uninterested in me. I guess for me its really true what they say about the brain being the biggest sexual organ - and unless that's engaged it's just not happening for me.

So, sex and friendship it is - but as a friend said to me recently "Surely that's all any relationship is?" But is it? See, what I like about Dreads is that I get all the attention and he makes me feel great but I have none of the commitment, the obligation, the day to day stuff that I think can sometimes kill relationships. You know, the having to visit his mother, or arguing who'll put the bins out, or paying the bills, that kind of thing. I know all that kind of thing is necessary if you are in a proper relationship with someone, because you share a life and so there are practical considerations about how you organise that and have an equal division of labour. But that stuff isn't sexy is it? I'm aware this may well sound shallow and immature, but that's sort of how I feel like being - hence sleeping with the 20 year old I guess!

Friday, 4 January 2013

Dreads and the return of sex

So... out with the 42 year old solitary guitarist completely incapable of communicating emotion and in with the 20 year old front man of a thrash metal rock band who just wants to get laid?... yeah, that'll work... maybe....

Would be great if it were that simple, wouldn't it? Anyway, rewind, let me introduce you to Dreads...

So Dreads, is said 20 year old.. with an amazing head of dreads down to his waist.. hence the pseudonym. I first met him back in September at the gig I had after the first night Crush 2.0 stayed over. The gig was actually a competition and we were the only two competitors that night. I really liked him when I met him - not fancied him, just knew he was 'our kind of person' - chatted about him with Crush 2.0 on FB when I got home that night and posted him the video of one of his songs... Crush 2.0 liked him too. I did invite him then to come along to an open mic, but I didn't manage to find him on FB, found his band, but turns out his stage name isn't his real name...  his real name is infinitely more mundane... think I might suggest he goes with Dreads!! He says when he first met me that night I seemed a bit innocent and a bit floaty... I did explain I'd been seriously hungover and had barely slept and was in a place of going 'WTF was that???' after spending my first 24 hrs with Crush 2.0. He thought that was very funny given his impression of my innocence. He also thought I was about 28... get in!!! Good to know that even hungover and half asleep I can still pull off looking 12 years younger than I am!!!